Blog · Marriage

In Response To Being A Butthole Wife

I’m sure that many of you have read the article by now, written on Her View From Home, by Debbie Wilkins  Baisden. As I’ve seen many friends sharing it on Facebook.  My mom sent me the article and I read the first paragraph.

“Let’s start with the laundry angst. I get it, the guy can’t find the hamper. It’s maddening its insanity. Why, why, must he leave piles of clothes scattered, the same way the toddler does, right? I mean, grow up and help out around here, man. There is no laundry fairy.”

I read that laughing and text my mom right away saying how hilarious it was, that I loved it! One of the most annoying things my husband does is leave his dirty clothes next to his side of the bed in a pile, or on the floor of the bathroom, but never in the hamper. I don’t get it. I would nag everyday as I picked up his dirty clothes. Complaining that the hamper is right there! It’s in sight and not that hard to walk a couple steps to make it in there. It would be wonderful to have one last thing to do every day. After texting my mom about it being funny, I went back to reading the article. Four lines down after the laundry fairy it says “I was a butthole wife. Until my husband died.” Wow! She then goes on to explain how she missed those piles, she remarried and when her new husband left his clothes on the floor she cried. I couldn’t help but take this article to heart. I even read it to my husband, and now he finds joy in calling me a “Butthole Wife” whenever I nag.

Since reading her article I have focused more on trying not to be a butthole wife and more on what matters. She says in her article that her new husband left his clothes on the floor because he chose what was more important to him, spending time with his new family. I have been trying to look at things in that way, my husband throws his clothes down, gets comfy, and spends the whole evening playing with the kids. When he leaves a mess in the living room I try to look at it as those pillows were used to build a fort with the kids, the chip bag on the entertainment center was left there after he stayed up late playing video games with our oldest. These things drive me crazy and probably always will, but I have been trying really hard to approach them with less attitude and more so sucking it and just picking it up.

This also goes for being a butthole mom, I don’t like to think about losing my babies as I know no mother does. Instead I look at it as they won’t be babies for long. The time flashes before your eyes. I look at my babies and think just yesterday they were babies. They couldn’t do anything on their own and now I have an almost nine year old and a 3 year old. I’m a little OCD and have to have a clean house all the time, which as a mom is not realistic. It would drive me crazy to spend all day cleaning and getting the house in tip top shape, then going into whatever room I just left and finding a bigger mess than before. A great example, my baby shower is this weekend and we are having it at our house. I have been cleaning nonstop all week to make sure that everything is perfect. That includes shampooing the couches and carpet. Tonight my 3 year old decided to spill his entire cup of chocolate milk on our tan suede chair that stains with water. I started to get mad and instead of losing it I decided to just walk away and go back to it later. It was much better for my son that I didn’t freak out about it, considering it was an accident and he came and told me about it right away and apologized.  We are their inner voice and I don’t want to spend their whole childhood nagging about the messes they make. Instead I should find the joy in their messes, it means they are having fun. They are making those memories, even at the risk of my sanity.

I am trying every day to better myself for my boys, all 3 of them. I want my kids to look back and remember all the fun memories that we’ve made while making a mess in our home. After all it is just a mess, it can always be picked up. This time with them I will never get back. As far as my husband goes, I refuse to destroy my marriage over dirty clothes on the floor and food left out. I’m sure it will continue to drive me crazy but hopefully over time it won’t make my head spin!

My goal this year is to focus on what really matters, to enjoy the messes, to make the memories, and worry about the clean up later and to not sweat the small stuff. One day there won’t be toys all over the living room, or video games under the couch, one day my laundry loads will shrink and eventually the pile next to the bed will never be seen again. Those days are days I don’t look forward to, and when they come, I will miss the mess. Focus on what matters, be a mother and a wife. Hug your babies, kiss your husband and build giant forts in the living room and eat dinner in them. Make the mess, and deal with it later.

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